What If I Don’t Want to Talk About My Problems?

talking

Publish date

Jan 18, 2021

Post Author

Bryan Amaro

Category

There has been a disconnect between teenagers and their parents since the beginning of time. Being a teenager means you are old enough for a large amount of independence; at the same time, there are many things for which you simply aren’t ready. This idea isn’t always explained thoroughly enough for teens to internalize. One of the most important parts of the relationship between a parent and their teenager is trust. For a teen to receive the opportunity to have the freedom they want, their parents have to trust that they are going to make the right decisions.

The reality is that making mistakes is a crucial part of being a teenager. You can’t keep your child from making mistakes any easier than you can go back in time and keep yourself from making mistakes. A parent’s job is not to prevent every possible mistake, but to accept that mistakes will happen, and to be there to help your teen learn and grow as they experience. If your child doesn’t feel comfortable having open communication with you in the environment you share, there will emerge a disconnect between the two of you. This doesn’t make you a bad parent; it just means your approach has to change if you want to foster honesty and trust.

Why Teens Don’t Talk to Their Parents

If your teen doesn’t feel comfortable talking to you, don’t take it personally – it doesn’t mean that you’ve been uncaring, unloving, or parenting wrong. Even parents who pride themselves on their parenting and would do anything for their kids can end up being given the silent treatment or blocked out altogether. Likewise, it doesn’t mean that your teen is ‘broken’ or a ‘lost cause’ if they don’t want to talk to you. Even high-achieving, well-behaved, outwardly happy teens experience the same issues. Ultimately, the breakdown in communication may have little to do with how good or bad your upbringing is. 

Sometimes, the problem can form as a teen develops the impression that your love and approval are rooted in their good behavior and achievement. Most parents have good intentions and want the best for their children. They want their child to be independent, become a functioning member of society, and even go on to do great things. Unfortunately, some of the methods used to reach those goals can do more harm than good. Popular forms of discipline like time-outs, taking away privileges, shaming, and spanking can send the wrong message. Those methods combined with achievement-based rewards can covertly tell your teen that achievement comes first. This can unintentionally close the doors for trust, honesty, and effective communication. 

Creating a Safe Space as a Parent

The best thing you can do to encourage open communication with your teen is to create a non-judgmental, trusting relationship. Try admiring and respecting your teen for who they already are with unconditional love and understanding, no matter how difficult their behavior may be. This will send the message that you support them even when they are having a hard time. Your teen needs to know that they have a real reason to be proud and confident even when they fall short. This will allow them to be more comfortable with sharing their struggles with you. When your teenager is having issues with anxiety, depression, peer pressure, or stress, it’s important that they feel safe enough to talk to you about it without fear of losing some of your support.

The Benefits of Open Communication From Your Teen

Having an open line of communication with your teen opens the door for a stronger,  healthier relationship. Your teen will have no need to lie if they have no reason to be afraid of what will happen if they’re honest. Their honesty with you will help you be more comfortable to simply let them be teenagers. Although they may seem quite independent in some ways, teenagers are still far from being adults. You can have an immeasurable positive impact on their trajectory into adulthood simply by gently guiding them as they grow up, and by letting them know it’s okay to discuss things even when they are not easy or impressive.

As their parent, you are the first adult to make a mark on your child’s life. If your teen knows that they can talk to you openly and without judgment about any issues that come their way, they will be comfortable to bring their problems to you. A healthy relationship with a parent can help them form healthy relationships with other adults in their life. The effectiveness of counselors, teachers, therapists, and coaches can all be impacted by the type of relationship teens have with their parents. In some cases, your teen may be dealing with anxiety, depression, social issues, suicidal ideation, or trouble in school or at work. If there is open communication with their parents, there will be no fear of judgment. When it comes down to it, it can even save their life.

 

As a parent, it is important that you create a safe space that promotes an open line of communication for you and your child. This will help to build a strong and healthy relationship for you and your teen in the long run, and can make it easier for them to reach out to you or other adults in a time of need. Let them know that you are there for them no matter what mistakes they make. This will let them know that you care and that they can count on you to provide the love they need during this important formative period. If your teen is struggling with finding someone to talk to or needs a space where they can communicate with professionals, HealthyU offers educational, supportive resources for maintaining and improving emotional wellbeing and open communication. We work with your teen and with you to help foster an environment of trust, openness, and positivity. Contact us at (619) 542-9542 to learn more.